Reality cracking lab
courtesy of fravia's searchlores.org ~ October
How to sit down in a crowded
an essay by H3cker
Well, this strayeth a little 'off' the political reality cracking section (compare
to it last month's essay by Richard Dawkins:
Design for a Faith-Based Missile) and goes
'back' towards some reality cracking snippets
we published some years ago, à la reversing body language approach
Yet I do use the underground pretty oft, but I must admit that
my own tricks to get a sitting place were rather, uh, dilettantish, before
reading this small snippet...
This little essay assumes that you are living in a city, you use the
the tram, or the metro rather frequently and you have to go many
with this way of transportation, because it is useful no matter the
I am living in a big city (the capital of Romania), I go to college
day (almost) and I have to cover great distances, at a rush hour. I
use the bus, it's alot faster (not as fast as the metro, but... here's
reason --->) and alot cheaper - in fact, it's free, I never use a
I don't pay. Oh well, I am a very lazy person and I am always seeking
comfort. So when I'm in the bus, I am always trying to get to sit down,
whatever the conditions. And the result is that I am always getting to
occupy a seat, even if the bus is packed and full of people.
Here are my techniques. I developed them in years, it takes practice
patience, but in the end you get what you want: sitting down, looking
window, admiring nice chicks while in the bus people are fighting for
(mean, huh? :-))))
Tips and tricks:
Well, that pretty much does it. I hope you found here valuable info.
- Never sit in neutral places, like near doors, in the middle of the
etc. Try to get as close as you can to the seats. And I mean CLOSE.
let another person between you and your target, so that when the one
occupies the seat gets up, you can immediatly conquer the seat.
Never choose a target that is close to old people, pregnant women, sick
persons. The common sense requires that you should let them sit. Try to
a place surrounded by young or middle aged, healthy looking people.
Always keep your eyes peeled at the little "signs" that someone wants
off the seat and get down the bus. That is:
Anyway, you get the picture. More hints can only be found by yourself,
- looking trough the window as he/she tries to find the station where
- closing the book (or the newspaper) he/she was reading
- arranging the bags (grip them tighter) or the perce
- asking other passangers about where is the station
Always try to occupy strathegically the places in the bus near two or
(three, four) seats. Those "groups" of seats are controlled by one
position. Stay in the middle, as for one passanger gets up, you can
take his/hers place. If you are controlling more seats, the more
will be that you will be sitting sooner. Never "control" one person
it is a waste of time, unless you are forced to, or you've seen some
"signs", as described above.
Always be careful at the stations with high degree of interest for the
passangers. That is: downtown, central, near malls, near universities,
theathers blah blah. Many people get off the bus there, and you should
carefully guess who (check below).
Try to know your passangers. Just by analysing them, how they look,
some conversations between them etc, you can learn valuable things. For
example, if you know that there will be a mall in the way, and you see
of those perfumed, make-up-ed, hair died, elegant looking chicks, you
guess that she may go shopping (and in most cases she is) and get off
bus the next station. Go next to her seat! Another examples: passanger:
student - station: university ; passanger: worker - station: factory.
get my point.
Once you've occupied the seat, never give it away foolishly. You should
always give the seat to pregant women, sick persons, elders. Never give
seat to mummies or grannies with sons or nephews that can stand on
two feet. (It happened to me once. I got up to give the seat away to
granny, and she put her spoiled 8 year old bastard on the seat, while
kept standing up. Bleah!)
When desperate, and none of the tips above work, there is one solution
never fails. However, it is an emergency solution, (that is, when you
VERY tired) and should not be abbused. Well, when nothing works, try to
sick, very sick. Go to the nearest seat occupied by an young or middle
person and ask him for the seat, motivating that you are feeling very
or you've had surgical operation recently, or you suffer from back
whatever. If you pick your "subject" well, he should give away the seat
YOU. Satisfied? DON'T SHOW IT! Act ill, until you get off the bus.
E-mail me: firstname.lastname@example.org<